Apparently you make a good broom.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you had me at cake vodka
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
