the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
