she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
