Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
