I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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