i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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