you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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