I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
