she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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