there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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