I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
