We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
