Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Randomize
