Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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