I hate your face
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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