It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
