A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
