So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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