sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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