meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
