Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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