I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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