I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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