I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
