Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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