And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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