grandma shit on top of the toilet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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