just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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