Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
