My liver just broke up with me...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
