Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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