I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
