get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
