Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
