He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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