I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
