If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
