Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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