there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
