I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
