can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
