we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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