possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
