Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
