is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
