i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
