He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
