My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
there is puke in my bra ... again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
