Little spoons don't ask big questions
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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