I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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