i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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