Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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