quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
