I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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