allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
